BILL MCDONALD

WAS IN VIETNAM FROM 1966 TO 1967
ONE YEAR.
HE WAS WITH THE 128TH ASSAULT HELICOPTER CO
UNITED STATES ARMY
IN PHU LOI

HE WAS A CREW CHEIF/DOOR- GUNNER ON HUEY HELICOPTERS

THE WORST THING ABOUT NAM ....
Besides the obvious answer of losing friends and brothers in combat; let me explore this in another direction.
IT WAS NOT THE WEATHER - GOD knows the countless rainydays annd nights that never washed away that red dirt and mud that got on our skin and souls. NOR WAS IT THOSE HOT HUMID "FOUR CANTEEN DAYS", that left you always thirsty and always wet from your own perspiration (some of it caused by the 100 degree temperatures, but certainly some of it caused by the fear within, thatyou could never share or expose to others). No the weather was not the worst thing about Nam.

So was it the BUGS and the RATS and the SMELL OF "HONEY DEW POTS" (human waste being burned with some fuel to dispose of it) filling the air with such wonderful aromas? Nope, none of these gets my vote as the worst thing about Nam either.

So, you might ask, "WAS IT THE ACTUAL COMBAT AND PEOPLE SHOOTING AT YOU?"
Nope, you could live with that (or in some cases you could die with that). Combat was something that you trained for and prepared for. The actual moments of combat were alive withadrenaline and fear at the same time. Heck, combat was almost a relief from the hours of quiet that hung in the air so thick with fear, that you looked forward to shooting back and engaging an enemy you could never see until you heard the shots being fired (or felt the sting of tracers flying past you). So combat was bad but it was not the worst thing about .Nam

So was it the THE BAD FOOD, THE LOUSY WORK SCHEDULES- every day in Nam was a work day, or was it something else?
Not getting mail was a bad thing. Sowas being away from your famoly and high school buddies. Of course, someone always missed his wife or girlfriend. I had neither and that was a bad thing as well. Still, none of these were the worst thing about Nam.

THE WORST THING FOR ME WAS THE FEELING THAT PEOPLE BACK IN THE WORLD (USA) JUST DID NOT UNDERSTAND NOR APPRECIATE WHAT WE WERE TRYING TO DO. I felt the protests were not just a statement against the war - but about being against everything that made the war possible - meaning the GIs fighting and dying for it

Having my old friends from high school telling me about their college protests and how "right" their cause was and how "wrong" we "baby killers" were, by far, this was the worst thing about being in Nam for me. I can forget about the bugs, the rats, the physical wounds and the VC - but being betrayed by your own country, hurt more than anything else. No other wound hurt so bad - not even getting bounced on my head by a rocket explosion. To this very day THIS IS MY BIGGEST SOUL KILLING MEMORY OF THE NAM.

THE BEST THING ABOUT VIETNAM? I THINK THAT FINDING OUT WHAT YOU WERE MADE OUT OF, was a real growth experience. facing the enemy and succeding at staying alive while facing your fears. There is just no other feeling like having gotten through a fire fight alive after so very many close calls. You will never feel so alive again - as long as you live. You begin to value every second of your exsistence. You can see and hear and see so much more around you. Your senses are so heightened that you feel "high" just from breathing in that dirty smoky air around you. You walk taller and almost swagger with the knowledge that you did what you had to do and did not break; and did not let your buddies down while facing death eye-ball to eye-ball and won that contest - at least for that moment in time. This may not sound like a great thing or a best thing - but COMING OUT OF COMBAT ALIVE ALWAYS MADE MY DAY !!!

BEFORE I WENT TO NAM, I was one of those rare students of FAR EASTERN HISTORY and knew much of the history of Vietnam and the old French Empire. I knew that the French blew it and that the North and South were fighting a dirty little civil war between themselves.
I, however, hared communism with a great passion and believed it to be an evil force in the world that would need to be stopped one day. I was willing to help stop that evil.

While I was there , what I discovered, real fast, was that there was no way to win this war. I was soon to discover that fighting this was came with many rules of engagement - free fire zones, no fire zones - plaaces and areas that were "off limits" to attacks. We never did engage the enemy to win this war - we fought a POLITICAL WAR. It was not a war we could ever win given the restraints we put on our fighting forces. It only took me about 3 months to discover this truth. I often wondered what took Washington DC so long to realize what all combat troops had discovered - and in my case by March of 1966.. WHY DID WE CONTINUE TO THROW OUR YOUNG MEN TO THAT MACHINE OF DEATH FOR SO MANY YEARS AFTER THAT?

AFTER I CAME HOME, I FELT BETRAYED BY MY COUNTRY. I was made to feel guilty about being there or having fought there. I returned to San Francisco in November of 1967, right after the Summer of Love had ended. I made the mistake of wearing my uniform while on leave. I wanted to show off my ribbons and medals. I was home less than 5 hours when I had more troubles than I wanted. Hippies taunted me and followed me down Broadway Street, as I tried to enjoy my first night back in the States after my tour. I was called names and, yes, I was spit on by these young long haired righteous butt heads. They did not welcome me home, but made me feel isolated and depressed. Not a very joyous memory at all. I went home and took off my uniformnever to wear it again outside of a military base. When I got out of the Army, I threw all my medals ribbons and patches into some dusty old box and avoided talking about Nma and what happened there to me.

AND NOW??? time heals some wounds for sure - but I think I have finally taken a good look backwards and realized that I have nothing to be hiding from. The past is now something I AM PROUD to have been part of. I respect all my brothers and sisters who went there and fought there. I respect those who gave there all on those muddy fields of battle. Most importantly, I respect myself for what I did there. I am not ashamed of my service to my country.

I harbor some strong feelings of those who fought the "anti-war" on the home front. I have an old quote from the guy who wrote the book the movie FULL METAL JACKET was made from. He was the late Gustau Hasford (1947-1993). Although I do not fully endorse all of his statement, it says a lot.

"LIKE A WOMAN WHO HAS NEVER GIVEN BIRTH, THE MAN WHO HAS NEVER FACED DEATH AND INFLICTED DEATH WILL NEVER FOR ALL OF HIS LIFE FEEL SOMEHOW NOT QUITE COMPLETE."

This is a little stronger than my beliefs, but I think that those men who missed there chance to face the enemy and their fears, in a real test of life and death combat can never fully savor the zest of life that a combat veteran feels every day he wakes up alive again.!!!

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